Exposed but calm, hurt but happy

Gazing up the dark sky and I realize oh it’s full moon. That explains why the Halloween demons rose with oomph. The screams in the hippocampus are so loud that the light on the occipital lobe looks like a glare. The pain from the ancient times is creeping in. Too grown for a blame game but I want to blame you for all the sleepless night. Taking away the pleasure from it and leaving a quest map on my table. It hurts but not as bad as the withdrawal. My feelings investment is empty not because am selfish but because I have nothing left to give. I relate like a psychopath not because am crazy but I can’t go any deeper than the sharp hurt on the surface. You are perfect but not worth the task, at times you are too fragile and am scared of breaking you and sometimes you are too needy more than I can satisfy. At this point am sitting outside on a cold fall night thinking why did I wait this long. Yes I feel so vulnerable and naked but I feel lighter. I’m ready to let you go, forgive you for defiling the little innocent girl. I forgive you for grasping away delicate innocence, for controlling a life you did not care for. I forgive you for teaching the little girl ways of the world when she strived to learn about God. I let you go because you are too heavy to carry around. The girl from the Friday party forgives you for getting her drunk and leaving her for the foxes to feast. They all let you go because they are ready to move on. I scatter your ashes off this fall night so that they fly away with the leaves. You took a lot from me but I let you go because all this anger and bitterness will be turned to a buildup energy. I will build a  fortress of love a kingdom of praise and a monument of all the times I was saved from the claws of defeat. The journey just began I choose to stay naked and allow those with divinely chosen eyes to see beyond the ‘fleek’. It hurts to be exposed but it’s calming. The orthodox condemnation of trust in man forgot the only key of survival that no man is an island.

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