(This is a continuation of a prayer of a righteous man )
Many people would think that after my encounter with God and Kyle I would turn into a saint but nope! that did not happen. As a growing young lady in this writing I am going to present you with a few lessons that people do not address even though most people go through them. Just because I said no to Kyle that night doesn’t mean that the crush that I had for him or all those feelings I had ceased to exist. Every time I saw him my stomach did a funny flip and my heart skipped at least three beats, I still wanted this guy so bad. Many Christians act like just because they are born again they never experience any form of sexual arousal, sexual thoughts or simply desires and urges. We have all become a generation that acts like Paul was lying or making up his own things when he wrote to the church in Galatians chapter 5 about crucifying our flesh daily. This is a man who preached the gospel of God daily but still understood that the struggle with fleshly desires was real and he needed Jesus to help him DAILY.
I never had anyone to teach me this so I learnt the hard way, thanks be to God for His grace and love for me. A few months after many awkward interactions Kyle approached me again and this time he had gained a little wisdom in his approach, he asked me out for coffee. In my head as the nice church girl I was I thought hmm finally he has seen my worth and decided to pursue me as the jewel I was so I accepted the date. One thing I need you to realize is that even though I was falling head first into the trap of the devil I never for one second forgot my worth. The coffee was great we laughed and talked about general silly stuff and that was the best date I had had in a long time. When it was time to leave he escorted me to my car and did not even try to steal a kiss he just made sure I was safe then he took off. That night he texted to ask if I had fun and we had a few back and forth texts and he said goodnight. The next morning I woke up to a good morning text and it had me smiling all morning. Around 10am I got another text asking me how my morning was and wishing me a good day. That night he called me just before I went to bed he called and asked about my day and listened to me go on and on about stuff then said good night. This became my new life, I even developed a glow and my feelings for this man escalated fast. He always remembered the simple things and always knew what to say and when to say it (what more could a girl ask for) After 3 months of dates and talking on one Friday night he asked me to meet him after work he had a surprise for me. I left work with a bounce in my step got home showered and met him at midnight. The surprise was watching star constellations. It was super romantic because it was inside a building but they had made it into a virtual scenery where it looked like you were lying by a stream looking at the sky. My mind was blown . I allowed him to hold me as I laid on his chest enjoying the scenic view as it evolved. I never wanted to leave it was just perfect but after a while he asked me to go to his place because it was getting late.
We drove in my car together. When we got to his place it was well lit (dim colored lights) and he had light snacks put out. We sat and as we ate neither of us could keep their hands to themselves we fondled each other and at last we were making out like starved rabbits. Yes I ended up having some really hot and steamy sex. I felt so guilty so I left right after and I couldn’t even talk to him after even though he kept texting and calling. (FYI this is a very stupid thing to do women learn to tell men what you feel after it all even if its bad) This man was a hunter and he got his prey and enjoyed the feast. He never even for one second lie about his intentions, he never even defined the relationship because there was no relationship. I was angry at him for me own miscalculations and blindness, I wanted it to be his fault that I sinned. ( just because I am a staunch Christian and you tempted me it is your fault. smh) This man had his own idea of what he wanted from me and I was angry because I fitted myself into his version forgetting that if any man takes God’s place or silences God’s voice in your life he is not right for me. I had to go back to God but every time I tried to pray I felt like God was judging me. This is a feeling that the devil instills in us every time we are seeking God. It took me a month until I read the verse in Romans 3:23-25 and I learned that not only is God gracious enough to save me from me but also I was not the only one who fell. I prayed to God and He was kind enough to forgive me and teach me a few things that I would like to share with you. Sex is an issue that is overdone by the wrong crowd but under discussed. Yes people have sex all the time or are tempted to have sex but because we have made it a taboo nobody talks about it. The silence is the reason why me and more people fall into this so I have decided not to be silent anymore. God has taught me a lot in this journey and in the next few articles am going to share them all with you. When you are waiting for the devil to show up covered in tattoos and piercings , he is going to show up as the sexiest being you have ever seen. Do not forget even God confessed that the devil was the seal of perfection in wisdom and beauty ( Ezekiel 28:12-13) Learn to crucify your flesh daily that it will not be the reason you miss God’s kingdom.
(to be continued……